Dream 7/24: Siege on CSU

The beginning of the dream is a lil fuzzy to me still, like all that had transpired up to the moment I found myself at the security desk at school was a jumbled mess of blurred nostalgia. As I dug into my purse, looking for my ever wandering gov’t issued ID to gain access to my friend’s office, I heard a slew of hurried, urgent coded messages blurtin’ out of the walkie of the secuity guard nearest me. She was a short Latina, with a furried brow and a helluva grip as she escorted me into office and told me to lay low. The other side of the office faced windows that made up the farthest wall. I was able to see everything. She, the security guard, had her gun drawn and stood by the door. Her walkie crackled, intermittenly and the voice struggling to get through that tiny speaker, spoke with such intense alarm that it held me captive, lingering onto each word so that I may paint a visual of what was happening. The silence that came after was the most horrifying feeling ever. Nothing for hours, it seemed, but static came through..

 I found the darkest corner under someone’s unoccupied desk and stored myself there. Peering from a slit of the faux wood siding that wasn’t glued together on the desk, I saw everything. The daylight outside told me it was nearing dusk but blazing auburn rays from this setting sun had not been extinguished yet. There was smoke, (or rather fog?) that was rolling close to the ground. One by one, I saw them. A man first, of West African lineage, and then a woman, with a small child wrapped behind her, and then smaller children, all brandishing shotguns,AK-47’s and other firearms. They walked with stonewashed faces, dressed in ragged kaftans and garbs and stepping in tune with each round ejected from this small group.  I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. For one, I was at school at Chicago State Univeristy but the layout of the office was totally different than what I was literally seeing (and feeling?) from my squatted position. Secondly, this group had not had anyone fire back on them and it’s hard to believe that none of the security, who are always listless and eager to “see some action” had not been able to retaliate.. but then as I was sorting through that logic, I saw the young child soldier’s shoulder kick back, as if he was shot, but he kept advancing. 

So they were getting return fire, but nothing was stopping them. I could hear gasps and hushed cries from the others in the room, who were obviously watching the same scene I was witnessing. Just then, as I tried to peer around the corner, I heard the cascade of glass hitting the floor, and the crunch of feet slowly walking near me. The security guard emptied her clip to whomever was walking towards her.  I was less than a foot away when I saw the woman, with the young child wrapped behind her, walk up to the security guard and press the tip of her automatic  to the guard’s abdomen. I could actually see her lifeless eyes, dark as coal, paired with drooping lips on a placid sun burnt face, that countered that of the guard. The woman, upon closer inspection, had to be a teen and although there was hesitation on her pulling the trigger, her long finger could easily squeeze it.

Right then, her gaze fell upon me and.. I woke up. 

I opened my eyes, slowly and felt nothing in my dim, cool room. I knew I just had a lucid dream, that all that I felt was just a dream, but moments later I heard the echos of the teen mother’s AK unloading rounds into that poor woman..

"What IS this sorcery?!"

"Ah, so I’m not taking a photo. Go figure."

:3

There are these moments, stripped from memories..

..that flash back like thunderstorms..

..quick, devastating and destructive..

..they highlight my worst fears, my weaknesses and I relive them in the span of the intake of a quivering breath.

..but in that moment, as those exasperated qualms rise to overshadow me in a sea of fervor, I exhale..

..relinquishing all that tar that coated my throat, sticking my tongue to the roof of my mouth so that no light could pierce through..

..this force that withstands even horrific memories is still there, dim now but grower brighter with every breath..

..each instance stood in the face of those tortuous moments bring about greater moments to let the light grow a little brighter..